Barb's Burblings

I went and visited Kathy

I went and visited Kathy this weekend. It was really neat seeing her, and seeing her and Robert. They have minor little spats, but you can tell that they do love each other. I'm looking forward to the wedding, for the social aspects, at least. At the same time, it makes me really sad. I guess it's just another sign of my fading childhood. I mean, really, nothing's going to change. But in a way, everything will.

And I really need to not be jealous of Jen, Robert's sister. I guess it's the whole fact that she's singing in the wedding. I feel like I should be the more important sibling because I'm the maid of honor. It didn't help to have Kathy and Robert gush about how incredibly talented she is, too. And how Robert's family is all around there and they see his family all the time. I don't know. The whole thing just makes me really sad. I can't watch Father of the Bride without crying a lot. It's like Christmas vacation of my freshman year of college, when I realized it would be Kathy's last Christmas break and I bawled. I guess family is just really important to me.

Which is why I'm getting to this point where even though I have a job I love, I feel like my life is not at all how I want it to be. Probably because I'm alone...I'm so jealous of Kathy. She has friends. A fiance. I see no prospects for either on my part (Jen has a boyfriend--even if nobody likes him). In ten years I'd like to be married...possibly even have a child. I can't even get one guy to ask me out.

Sorry this is so long and rambly and depressing...I always get into sad moods after long weekends. Or any weekends. Sunday nights just suck, really. But anyway.