I've never been able to flirt. Not really flirt. I missed the class in middle school where girls learned how to go up to boys and flirt.
Case in point: When I was in Bye Bye Birdie the summer after 9th grade, I played Mrs. MacAfee. I remember a conversation with the guy playing Mr. McAfee, my "husband," and a few other people. I don't remember what exactly he said, but something about us being married...your typical meaningless flirtatious banter. Only I didn't think he was flirting with me. I thought he was making fun of me. (Thank you, middle school!) I said something that bordered on rude (again...I don't remember the specifics, but everyone was taken aback) and ran off. And then...it dawned on me. "He was flirting with me."
So not only can I not flirt, I can't reciprocate when someone is flirting with me. Unless, of course, the guy in question is someone that I'm already good friends with. Typical.
I was accused of being a flirt once. It was probably fifth grade or so. I was friends with a couple of kids down the street--a brother and a sister. The three of us were hanging out, the sister took off at one point and I kept hanging out with the brother. No biggie. I wasn't even at the point of really thinking about boys yet. (Just a bit, in the abstract.) My sister told me that the sister was upset because I was flirting with the brother. I still don't really understand that.
My inability haunts me to this day. Stick me next to a guy I don't know and I won't flirt. I'll either a) clam up completely, or b) start babbling about random topics and look like a spaz. Or both! At FanFest, as I said, I was in the front row of the forum and, I believe, made eye contact with prospect Adam Loewen a couple of times. Later, I saw him giving a radio interview, and thought I'd get his autograph. A couple people were in front of me. When I got up to him, he looked at me kind of expectantly. If I had any sort of fliriting ability, I would've said something to him (hopefully other than, "Wow, you're really tall!" which is what I was thinking). Something cute. Something witty. So, naturally, I...shoved his baseball card at him. Hi! I'm a dork!
Ah well. Clearly my man-luring abilities leave something to be desired. I hope I'm getting better, but...
Current song in my head:
"Magic" by Olivia Newton-John
you can't get better if you don't practice, and i'm not talking waiting for the random ocassion when you're toe-to-toe with a professional athlete. create the opportunities to flirt. are there boys in your book club(s)? friends of friends? or even, fire off a personal ad on CL or friendster/myspace an aquaintance.
things i have learned from dating:
1) flirting is easier over email--time to craft witty rejoinders, and also, if your flirt is rebuffed/ignored, it's easier to be nonchalant about it.
2) flirting is easier with a drink in your hand. grab a gal pal and head to the blue room in adams morgan, on a night when they're playing old school/college party hip-hop. the songs are easy to dance to, the crowd is friendly, you may not meet the dude of yr dreams, but you will get several opportunities to flirt with the stranger across the crowded room.
3) flirting is easier when something else is the focal point of the evening (i.e, a t.v. broadcasting the game). go to a sports bar and chat up your sports knowledge. this is an asset cuz you actually give a shit and know your shit. now, i'd suggest an urban bar, like townhouse or lucky bar, over some strip mall damon's wing-pit style place. but that's your call. sometimes it's harder to find the less obvious sports-haunts in d.c.
4) no one's flirting across an ampitheater. from the posts i've read, it seems you attend a lot of big events in big venues, which is cool, but those places can be hella anonymous. and shit, half the time, people go with dates. so, pick up a city paper, look at the listings for dc 9, jammin n' java, the warehouse nextdoor, and the black cat. anything strike your fancy? small clubs are notorious flirt spot jackpots.
5) don't give up. if you try out something new and it's not that great, don't throw out the hipster with the bath water. keep trying and you'll find something you like. even if that's staying at home on a saturday night and watching consecutive seasons of six feet under every once in a while, at least you know what you are or are not missing.
best luck!
LV has it down pretty good, I'd say! Barb, I just want to add that we all had those experiences in junior high school and high school where we were never sure if someone was making fun of us or really flirting. I think sometimes it was a bit of both--testing the waters on both sides. But that's a rite of adolescence, not adulthood. For a long time, like you, I assumed the same thing--that guy isn't really flirting (why would he like ME?), he's making fun of me! But think about it--we're all older now, and very few people have the malice (not to mention the time!) to craft fake flirtations just to mock the flirtee. And if someone is doing that, then he's the loser, not you. No need to feel ashamed. But I think most people share the same shyness and fear of rejection, and most people just want to connect with others. It's just hard to get started.
The best opportunity to meet people is just by living your life and doing something you love--flirting comes easily when you're actually connecting over a shared interest. Not that a drink doesn't help, mind you. I don't think I could ever start a cold conversation without a little social lubrication.
Finally, the right person will find a spazzy blurt-out charming and endearing! I used to think it would be impossible to find someone who could deal with my crazy spazziness, but lo and behold! I've found people who actually love that part of my personality. You want to meet someone who will love you for all your qualities.
Posted by: ducky at January 10, 2006 10:54 AM